An Evening in BBQ – A food for thought !

BBQ for me is the best place to have food and relax.. The ambience is good and the starters are just so awesome. And it’s always been the case with me.. I would stuff myself so much with the starters that I would relinquish the main courses. Some says the biryani is too good and the desserts are to be die for.. but I never knew it.

Today also I did the same thing.. stuffed myself with starters. Then feeling tired of eating.. took a bowl of soup, and with the bread-stick in my mouth.. holding it like a Cuban cigar (it’s a no smoking zone.. so I have to do it with this cheap stuff) started looking around.. And I found out that this place is filled with some real characters.. including ME ofcourse !

To start with.. in one of the table, a lady was celebrating her birthday.. a couple in their mid thirties were having a good time.. the husband went across to tell that it’s his wify’s Birthday.. cake was brought and the DJ duly played the “”Happy wala Birthday” song.. It was fine until here.. then the lightning struck.. the waiters in Swedish skirt (not sure what I called those) and with pom-pom in their hands.. started to dance around the couple.. it was a hell of a sight.. with barbecue in the middle.. and dancing waiters around.. it was we called a “Zinga LaLa” moment !! not the right one I supposed when someone is celebrating her birthday.. They were embarrassed.. and the best place to hide when you are in that kind of position is the Toilet.. so here they went.. but to different toilets haan.. There is something called Decorum ;)

Next table.. just infront of mine.. there was a double date.. both the couples were so engrossed within themselves.. they hardly talk to the other couple. One of the girl after eating the starters asked her boy.. “Am I looking Fat ?”.. Now believe me.. that’s a tough one.. even tougher than US asking Pak “Are you hiding Osama ?” The boy smartly dodged that one.. must be drinking Sprite ! The other boy, oblivious of the world around.. was giving a foot massage to her girl.. such a Hook. He also feed her up the desserts.. and then suddenly the girl got angry and started fidgeting with her phone.. must be the boy wanted his share of Gulaab Jhamoon ;) (pun not intended here.. don’t be naughty)

Then I looked around and find a family of four just got themselves a table.. It was kind of “A family who eats together.. stays together” type. The 2 kids were happy.. finally Papa brought them out to dine ! But their enthusiasm run away with a stern look from their Papa. They quietly started their business of eating.. I say business because.. nobody was even smiling. The Mom was well dressed.. looking beautiful.. but I supposed she still has household chores at the back of her mind. Papa just wanted his sons to finish their food before they could jump on over another.. as if he is still in his board-roam avatar. But they quietly had their food without any fuss. Another normal day perhaps in the Life :)

So after all this.. I had my stomach and as well my mind full. I didn’t even bother to look at the deserts.. today I haven’t eaten much.. but got a lot to to watch and ponder.. Is anything above is ME.. Is anything above is You.. A Husband wanted to make a Wify’s birthday memorable.. but turn out not to be so.. or a Couple hell bent on proving “we are the coziest” to others than actually proving it to themselves.. or a stern Papa just doing the duty of bringing his family to dine out. Certainly a food for thought !!

PS:

I always written about myself.. make a ‘Mickey’ out of me.. but thought to turn the gun (in this case pen) on others this time around.

I purposefully ended it in rhetorical way..

And I haven’t changed at all.. I am still Cheesy and Naughty <evil grin>

Happy Friendship Day

Ok.. it’s a Happy wala Friendship day again, so thought of taking this moment to thanks my friends who has been a part of my life through thick and thin. But the writer in me (useless as well as hopeless though) urges me to refrain from writing the same clichéd ways of thanks giving but wants to commemorate this day with some chatpata things. So I thought to cite down some of my experiences I had shared with my friends along all these years.
To be precise, I would lists out the names of some of the “Blockbuster” movies which we watched together in theater.. Here goes my list..

In Standard 10 – Pyaar Ishq aur Mohabbat

One of my friend’s interest was only in watching Kirti Reddy and we all went to support him. I still remember the expression on my friend’s face on seeing Kirti Reddy on the big screen. That was our paisa wassul moment.. forget about the film.

After 10th Board Exams – Chori Chori Chupke Chupke

Going to movies after the rigorous, harmful and unsavory Board exams (I am not saying this, I am just quoting Kapil Sibal :-T)are must. But don’t know why we all went to see that movie. In the whole movie, traumatized Amrish Puri shouted “Bahuu Bahuu”.. It was unbearable.. still gives me nightmare.

In Standard 12 – Om Jai Jagadish
 
There was Devdas playing at the other theater but one of my friend is perennial SRK hater.. so that got out of window.. even some adults movies were also played around nearby (we were all adults then haah..) but God knows why we went and watch this movie.. And how it was.. don’t bother to ask me :-x. Go watch it yourself.. yeah you can do it.. go ahead and watch.

In College – Family

Must be thinking what the heck is this movie. To refresh your mind and for the uninitiated, this movie stars the Big Big and Akki. There was a song “Khatra Khatra”.. and literally we suffer khatra khatra in watching this movie. The theater boosted an attendance of 16 people who came for the show.. and we were a gang of 14.. ♪♪ Khatra Khatra ♪♪

Last year – Dil Bole Hadippa

Had to bear this.. My friend was smitten by Shahid Kapoor and although my choice “Wanted” was running at the other screen, (now it’s a zamana of Multiplex.. single screen theater.. Amen) she hated the Dishum Dishum. So I was there, among a chosen few, watching ♪♪ Touch karenge.. Too much karenge ♪♪. Seriously it was too much.. three much.. maagermuch !

This Year - Prince 

I was dragged.. I was helpless.. as this kind of movies provide an ample opportunity of privacy (kaah.. kaah).. My God how it provided.. I must admit this is the most action packed movie I have seen in my Life.. as soon as the light went off in the theater.. the ACTION started.. muuh..muuhh.. I don’t think i need to say more..

So see.. only Friendship can make you to do this kind of dangerous, life threatening, daredevil stunts in life. That’s because after all it’s not the occasion, it’s the time we spent together with our friends counts.. And I had a wonderful time..
And in the end, in total filmy parlance, In FRIENDSHIP no THANKS and no SORRY (to anyone if offended.. forget it.. you know me very well).. 

Your’s Rohi..

Note: Friends you can add any movies which we went together, if I miss, and deserved a mention..

7 Mistakes to Avoid an Unsuccessful Date

On this Valentine’s Day, after a long wait of God knows of how many months (in fact that should be years.. ♪♪ Din bane hafte, hafte mahine, mahine ban gaye saal ♪♪), I got a DATE to attend. Yeah, Yes... u read it right, I got a D..A..T..E. So “Ok, fine” I said, let’s do it... But who on earth would know that I would mess it up a big way… as if it was my “Day of Mistakes”. Anyway after getting out of this shock, I thought I should write it down on my blog... for the future reference… so here my blog on “7 Mistakes to Avoid an Unsuccessful Date”.

Mistake# 1: Never be late...

This is the most important thing... never (I say No, Nai, Never...) be late on your Date. But how not to do that... Get up early in the morning when ur Date is in the evening.. That is sooo Childish.. and top of it, if it is a Saturday, u know how tough it is to get up when u have slog the Fiday nite in office.. (I know I will get some sympathizer on this, but to confess, I got up @ 11 o clock, sorry... ) So How...

Don't waste time on Faltu things... Particularly like, setting ur hair.. Boss whatever u do.. oil, gel, water.. ur hair will get ruffled once u r out.. rather put that time on polishing ur poor, unattended for God knows for how many days pair of shoes which is somewhere lying in the corner of the room. That will give u some brownie points. And now stop time wasting and rush baby rush…


Mistake# 2: Alwayz make sure that u have booked your table...

If you are contemplating something grand... then don't just contemplate, plz Plan as well as Act. I thought let's have a grand, beautiful evening with wine and five-course meal. Well thought, no taxes on that.. but who will book the table. Sorry, it totally missed my mind. I thought the "Fine Wine & Dine Multi-Cuisine Restaurant" where I generally hobnobs with my office colleagues, is just meant for corporate guyz (not belittling others though..) and so no problems...
But on that day I realized that for sure India is a Billion people country, and half of them are Youngsters, and more than half of them are Lovers... My Goodness... WTF... there were crowd like anything... most of them are not even college pass-outs (some were also college drop-outs).. What they are doing here.. Should I tell their parents... haven't some right-wing political parties send a diktat not to venture out... I was mad.


Mistake# 3: Take some Gift for your girl...

This have been my perennial problem, not giving gifts.. but haan my friends never mind it at all.. We all used to say.. "Dude, come to the party tonite.. we will drink, dance and have fun" ... but where is the mentioned of GIFT here. And expecting me giving a gift, is like, pinning your hope on Afridi to save the Test match. Why on earth should be a fuss about it... But Girls logic works in a different way.. and mine has a different data structure all together...

Mistake# 4: Accept that u have botch up...

When u know that u have botched it up big time, simply accept that u have botched up. Don't ever try to make it up for it, Girls can caught that very easily... and plz do not used your 'famous', 'clichéd' office tricks that u are using for years with your testing guyz...
"What, It was working on my system, God Knows what happened here!!!”... This will certainly not work here.. take that from me.

Mistake# 5: Pay attention in what she says...

After all this, we went to the nearby coffee joint, and thankfully got a table. She was not in her usual self, but nevertheless she was talking "God knows What" with me... and guess what I am doing.. I was checking the "Highlight Package" of the ongoing India - South Africa Test played on our very own Eden Gardens... Alas! I could have brought the same passion and emotions to my Date... But boyz will be boyz.. she got pissed off... and I thought she was upset bcoz Harbhajan missed another Hat-trick in Eden !!!

Mistake# 6: Never talk of Sex...

One of the protocols of being in ur first DATE is never talk of SEX. I knew that very well, but nobody told me that Sex should not be at all included in ur conversation... Look at the instance how Sex came into our conversation...

Girl: "Do u Know Kannada, I know it very well".
Me: "No, I never really put an effort to know that..."
Girl: "U should have tried..."
Me: "Yeah, I should have.. But my Hindi is now quite good, earlier it was a problem, as u know with Bongs, particularly when it comes to SEX..."
Girl: "SEX........."
Me: "Oohhh... Sorry... I mean Gender..."

But that was that...

Mistake# 7: When u have already made the Evening worse, don't even try to make it better...

When you already know that you have made everything wrong... don't try to make it right. I thought that I should drop her back home, but she was not interested... and said "I could manage"... so great, manage yourself... I did so much guff-up the whole evening... but on this I thought I should not be doing anything at all... As they say "Two cynics never make an optimist".


Even after all this mess, guyz don't be dejected at all... I was not.. Be Happy and Be Positive... What I did after that was I hanged up with my 2 buddies, "Dada" and "GB'r Dukaan" (They profusely requested me to conceal their identity, bcoz they feared they would not get any Dates if their names are revealed, as if they would got any in the first place.. hahaha ). Took a beer crate, went to the roof-top wid them... and beneath the night sky, studded with beautiful stars... with my bump on the "Syntax Water Tank"... feasting my eyes with the view of the city and questing my thirst with beer. It was awesome.. with wind blowing my "ALA Siddarth (RDB fame) new look" hair.. and my friends engross in some classic love songs.. But thankfully we all got down after having a drink.. and there was no tiger in the bathroom on the next morning when I went to pee…

After hearing all this my friends suggested I ought to be serious, must have been prepared.. as if I going to give a "Module Demo".. I never mixed my work wid pleasure... if I brought the same seriousness in my work to my social life... how boring it would be... So make mistakes, got fooled...but enjoy ur life...


Disclaimer:

The characters mentioned in my stories are fictional and have no connection to any dead or alive person, any such resemblance should be considered as pure coincidence.

Acknowledgements:

I have nothing to do with Stephen Covey’s book, so plz Uncle Stephen don’t sue me.

Afridi, I am a big fan of urs, and I believe u have not done anything fishy, u were merely been hungry and people got u wrong.. i love u and no hard feelings hain..

College students, I have nothing against u.. I was myself in college and I knew how unruly I was.. but that day it was too much..

And last but not the least, thanks to my friends “Dada” and “GB’r dukaan” for their company. To let everyone know, my dear friend “GB’r dukaan” is contemplating to buy a 1 TB external Hard Drive, adding to his already 2 xHD (one of 320 GB and other of 500 GB). Now u guyz know why I gave this name to him.

Server Bole To…

First year was the most hectic year in my engineering academic life. On one side I was about to leave Physics and Chemistry forever and on other side I was about to join the geek world.

Scene: First year 2^nd Semester computer practical exam.
Venue: Computer Lab
Time: The worst possible time...Around 2 o'clock.

The last day of my 2^nd semester exams and the biggest mountain is still not conquered - "Computer Practical".
The only thing I learned throughout the semester is to differentiate between a CPU and a monitor. This is the only true knowledge I have about this subject.

Let me look at the search and sort program again. Scanf then Printf….Oops…Sorry… Printf then Scanf… # include iostream.h…#include conio.h…clrscr(). Oh...God...I wish that share folder still exists… I hope the netsend command still works. God...Help me… main ()…curly brackets …Maamu who invented this F***ing Computer.

Oops!!! There he goes… the most brilliant student of our class K.P, the one who asked doubt to our Computer faculty on the first day itself. A tough question "Sir, is it possible to store data on WordStar instead of Access ". Shit Brick!!! What's WordStar?? What's Access?? I am going to fail. He looks too cool. Boy…5 more minutes left... C came after B…now we have C++ and VC++…C was discovered/invented (not sure) by Dennis Richie…(must be a moron J)

I can hear one of the gal asking K.P
"What's ANSI C ?"

Oops...I don't know even that...Probably discovered by Ancy… so C was discovered by both Dennis and Ancy… might be husband - wife…all in the family.

Here comes the lab assistant. "Guys get in!!!"… So at last the time has come. Huh!!! Rohi…you have been through these situations now and then … bravo...Come on man. I entered the lab with shaking hands...legs…entire body. Oh that's my system!!! It's still vacant…my shared drives…. Ha Ha Ha … great

"Hey…take this system…sit according to your roll number" (In came the voice of lab assistant)…What the…*%$ is it….? Hey even this system is far from the faculty's desk. This is great infact its better…

"Now turn over the sheet of paper on your desk, you have to complete the task in 3 hours. First write down the algorithm and then start doing the program." So...this is it… Come on…let's see what's in there….

Write a program to sort N natural numbers in ascending order and then perform search operation.
(PS: Use Bubble sort and binary search).


Nice question the one I have mugged up. Take this… #include iostream.h… #include conio.h... main()… Its' over and still plenty of time left. Let me see what others are doing. Oh God!! They all are gone. Was this paper that easy or what?

"Rohit are you finished with the work?"
"Yes Ma'am"
"OK!! show me the output"
"Here it is..." ..Ctrl+F9

"Okay..that looks okay..it could have been better…you should add comments where ever possible…zzzz"…bla bla bla… and one more bla…. Oh !!! she has gone...hmmm… she will never get satisfied…anyways..It's over…I have done it. I started going towards the door as Ma'am called me back…
"Rohit !!! Where r u going? Come over here. You still have VIVA left." Huh!!! Not again… I wanna go home
"Please sit "
"Thank you "

"Okay!! Tell me...What is a Computer?"
"A computer is an electronic device……zzzz"… ♪♪ I am the best...I am the best...I am the best... Yeah I am the best ♪♪

"What are macros?"
"Sorry"… Did she hear me singing I am the best…

"What are libraries?"
"Pardon"

"What are command line arguments?"
"Don't know"

"What are inbuilt functions?"
'Can u please repeat the question… Are these questions from Computer Science!!! They are playing tricks with me… I object.

"Okay one last question…Show me where is the server in our lab"
Hmmm…."Server Bole To"… something big…Yeah it's very big….bigger than CPU and monitor…now I have to find where it is….hmmm… not that…that's a switch board…not even that...that's AC….hmmm…which one is the server… Oops…that's her again.

"Hey!! Stop revolving in your chair and tell me...Which is the server?"
Hey that looks like a server…. "There it is"…pointing hand towards the UPS, but the Ma'am thought I am pointing towards the system kept on the table.

"Good…Why didn't you tell me earlier if you knew that? Actually no one answered it correctly...Good keep it up"
"Thank you Ma'am...Thanks a lot…"

Yahoo…..last ball sixer...From then on I never looked back, within hours I became the hero of the class. People started coming to me with their doubts. I cleared all their doubts. Even that svelte gal came and asked "What's ANSI C?" I make her also believed that Richie and Ancy are husband and wife.

Scene: Present Day...
Venue: My Office
Time: The worst possible time...Around 2 o'clock.

Now I am Software Engineer JJ Working on the computer and earning my living. Life changes so quickly …Apni to watt lag gayee Maamu.

Declarations

Friendz…I am getting a lot of responses of my write-ups…especially those 2 write-ups (u know which 2 I am talking about). So to clear the air I am saying this…

"Some characters mentioned in my stories are fictional and have no connection to any dead or alive person, any such resemblance should be considered as pure coincidence"

The story Best Proposal! has resulted in the rumour that soon I am getting married…believe me I have no such intentions. I will duly let everyone know that when I am getting married…so don't worry. But don't expect such invitation in the next 2 years atleast J

And the other story Kya Muhje Pyaar He??? Oh my God…everybody is saying proposed her as quickly as possible…after all nothing is too late in love. Now don't send her SMS, call up her directly…after all STD call charges also have been slash down.

C'mon Yaar…all my stories are frictional…I am writing it on my instinct, whatever is coming in my mind I am jotting it down. But I do agree that Art imitate Life and it's true I have also taken inspiration from my own life. I would rather paraphrase my writing by quoting the following line… "In History names are real but plot are fictional and in Friction plot are real but names are fictional".

But I do need your encouragement as well as criticism…so plz do leave your comments on reading these write-ups. I will try to bring more of such simple stories…some may be romantic, some not-so-romantic and some may be utterly-boring-and-nonsense stuff in coming days. And Friendz thankz to all who had already dropped their comments…it do helps a lot.

Signing off…Rohitz

Kya Mujhe Pyaar He???

Another simple story of how we are really confused in our life…Read on

At Present

Life sucks… Leaving alone in an unknown city is a curse, particularly when you are really stressed out with your work. But when I talk with her… I feel to be the happiest person in the Earth. The time I spent talking with her seems to be the happiest part of the day. She is the best thing to have happened in my life. It could also have been better had I not lost the opportunity 3 months back…

Flashback… 3 Months back

It's been 3 years now we know each other…even after shifting to a new city since a year we are in touch with each other through phone. We share each other daily routines, how ours day has gone, everything. I can easily confine in her my problems, my likes and dislikes, what I am going through. She also tells me how her day has gone…was it hectic or boring, sometimes she speaks on and on. Sometimes it's good to be a patient listener because girls can speak all day long J

She has been undoubtedly my mental strength when my chips were down. Sometimes when going was really tough her soothing voice had made me feel so warm and compose …even though we are far apart, I always felt she was right beside me…guiding me through all the trials and tabulations.

All this made me to ask myself the most vital question "Is I falling in LOVE with her?" …Naahh. How can it be man? Love is so childish…didn't I know how many times I have fallen in love in my school and college days. In class 8, cute and adorable Aditi was there…Ohh how can I forget her…I even wrote a song for her…but that bloody Vijay took all the credit and also the girl L. In class 11, lovely Suzanne was there…and all my friends used to call me Hrithik because of that… Boy I was a dude that time around but alas only she could have known it. And in college days there was the Beautiful and Hot 'Madam' whom I even couldn't muster my courage to speak once in all my 4 years. So I know well that I am not at all good at this front…so I console myself "Why on earth am I bothered about these things". Dude concentrate on your work…isn't the appraisal date round the corner and you haven't completed your project. Slog more hours in the office than talking on the damn phone…you have a long illustrious carrier ahead…Ha.

So I made up mind…no more talking now. I will only concentrate on my work. One week went by, I haven't made any call to her and to my surprise she also hasn't called me. What the Hell is going on…is she came to know my plan or what. Ok no problem…I am fine.

Second week also gone by and there is no call from her... Is she not well or a new Guy come into her life? I was lost. I didn't knew what to do…should I called up her…no better send a SMS…Yaar what to do. It's far better to write a code. Then I realized Life is not an If-Else loop…so better I called her up. But what to say if she asked why I haven't call her all these 2 weeks. Oh… I can say that I was busy with my work…to it I will throw some corporate jargons like… I had some "critical issues" or "Bugs" (my personal favourite) to fix…"work was so Hectic… u know".

And at last I call her up. But she was calm and her voice was as soothing as before…is it the lull before the storm…my super-active (or dirty) brain starts thinking. She even didn't ask me why I haven't called her up all this while. She just asked how I am…how my work is going. When I told her that I was "Little" busy, I had to add the word "Little", she said she can understands. When I asked her why she also haven't called me up, to it she told me that her Final Exams were going on. Boy what all I was thinking…all this is the effect of my corporate "Out-Of-The-Box" thinking. Then simply we talked about an hour about various topics.

That night she sends me a SMS which goes like this…"Flowers say: Smell me, Books say: Read me, Time says: Enjoy me, Life says: Make me, Reality says: Learn me, But I say: just Love me".

On reading this I told myself "Beta… aj mila he mauka…to lagao chauka". But due to some "Chemical Loocha" (sorry I couldn't find any other reason to describe my action) in my super-active brain I wrote back...

"I want you to be my Flower... my Book... my Time... my Life... my Reality… But I will say… Nothing"

At Present

My life is still in a mesh…the ball is still in her court…and I am still asking myself the same bloody question "Kya Mujhe Pyaar He???"

My Twist with the IPL

I am Bengali boy…born and brought up in Kolkata. Though I am staying in Bangalore since a year because of my Job but when it came down to supporting which IPL team… I rooted for Kolkata Knight Riders for obvious reasons. And luck was that the first match was between Kolkata v/s Bangalore in Bangalore. And I was desperate to go to see the match knowing it's the only game of KKR in the city. Online booking got finished in a flash… as most people booked their ticket to see SRK only… damn with the cricket J

One day I bunked my office after Lunch and went to the stadium for tickets but with no avail and that too after standing for 2 hours in the queue. I was told some Future group outlets were selling match tickets. I literally travelled the length and breadth of the city…going from one outlet to other. At the end @ 8 o'clk I got a single ticket from Pantaloons… I was damned happy…even it exceeds all my happiness I generally get when I fixed all my bugs J …but I had to go back to office after that to resume my work…and work till midnight.

The D-Day finally came…18^th April. I found that in my office people had already started slipping out after Lunch…even my manager went missing J .To my relief I also found that office has arranged for a cab to the stadium. On reaching the stadium, I found there was crowd all over and excitement was on the air. On entering the stadium, I placed myself comfortably so that I can have a proper view of the match… it was the Mid-wicket/Sweeper region where I was seated. And to my delight the next seat was occupied by a lovely lady. But alas nor she did watch the match neither had she noticed me…all through the match she was looking to the VIP pavilion to catch the glimpses of SRK.

The atmosphere was electrified and the mood was like I am in for a rock concert and the cricket was supplementary. The opening ceremony was breath-taking, to say the least, with gymnastics and fireworks. Watching the likes of Pointing, Buchanan, Boucher and Kallis from so close was a dream comes true for me. They were all doing their drills in front of our stand just before the match. Then what followed was even more imperial…yes I am talking about the "McCullum Storm" which swept all of us. To describe such an innings, I think any superlative adjectives would be an under-statement. Man it was raining in Sixes. And then I saw the SRK…and other stars like Rampal, KJo, Juhi & Gauri…I thoroughly enjoyed the match although it was a loop-sided affair but who cares when your team wins overwhelmingly. I had a terrific evening that day, a perfect Friday evening.

IPL is now a history and I am happy to be the part of that piece of History. Although Kolkata Knight Riders were unable to get into the semis, that too because of bad luck and rain…so what. As long as the term "Kolkata" is there I will be supporting and cheering my team. "Asshche Bojor Abar Hobe"…Jio Dada…Jio SRK.